Welcome to our Forest Lodge. Now that you are released from your cages, the wildlife joins us in inviting you to share our wide, open space. Please do take note of our ground rules.
Do not wear the bedsheets. We understand that your clothes have shrunk during the lockdown; we sympathise that your buttons don’t button up, your zips don’t zip up, but please do not walk around in our towels or bedsheets.
Hunting is discouraged. The wild animals are used to a free run of their land. They may get excited at the sight of a fattened meal. Though our notices, like this one, across our property discourage them from hunting you, we cannot guarantee they will obey these rules. Do not tempt the hosts.
Do not drink up the hand sanitiser. We provide only one bottle per room per day.
There are no share buttons. We know that you have been in a chicken coop for the last eight months, with views of your neighbour’s kitchen. But please refrain from taking videos while running on our rolling hills, or rolling in our running streams. You are not a part of our attractions.
Please do not hoard. There is no need to rush and stack up on things before someone else finishes them off. We will not run out of leaves, twigs, sunlight.
The umbrellas are for everyone’s use. Overcome by the joy of making new friends after ages, please resist the urge to throw yourself at or hug other guests. The large pointy umbrellas may officially be used by them to poke you back into safe-distancing.
Masks save lives. They stop you from arguing, yelling and scaring the animals away, overeating or drinking the hand sanitiser — and accidentally swallowing some of the flying insects. Save their lives!
We apologise for our low-tech. The birds do not come with volume control buttons. The sound of rain on the tiled roof has no mute option. The only web series is courtesy our many spiders. You cannot book a sunrise. Or pre-order a sunset. Or reschedule a storm. The mosquitoes refuse to obey safe-distancing rules. The bats deny responsibility for Covid-19. The deer refuse to keep appointments on time. The long-distance calls are mating calls, so be careful whom you respond to.
Enjoy your stay!
Where Jane De Suza, author of Flyaway Boy, pokes her nose into our perfect lives.